chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
