I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize