How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
