My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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