So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
