I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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