Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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