I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize