Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
