Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
