I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
