i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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