just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
