Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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