i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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