I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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