Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
