eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Four minutes until I can fart!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
