I need help removing her.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
