you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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