So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
