I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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