I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think i have two assholes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
