he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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