i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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