Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize