my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
