last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
