so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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