Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
