I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
