she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
