im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
