I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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