i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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