This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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