i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
