got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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