btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
