nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
