This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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