I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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