ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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