Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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