Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
