Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
