oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
