I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
