I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
