either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
