I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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