My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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