why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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