have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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