I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
