I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
