Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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