next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
