I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
