this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
