Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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