So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I know her cup size but not her name....
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