the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
