apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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