I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
