Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
