im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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