69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
