It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
